Monday, April 2, 2012

If you can't say something nice

I am a feminist. I don't believe for one minute that women should put up with guff from ANY man and certainly not, from their husbands. I am not the "suffer in silence" type nor do I think anyone else should, however, it is wise to consider what you say about your spouse or significant other. It is very easy to make them the butt of your jokes or to speak disparagingly about them. This can often be learned behaviour, the way your mother spoke about your father or the way your father "joked about your mother" within your hearing or perhaps even to you. It can be a need to belong when getting together with your girlfriends, siblings, buddies or cronies.

Consider how this reflects on you. Consider what it says about the choice that you have made in a partner. Consider what it says about the person who should be the single most important person in your life, perhaps the person you have chosen to raise a family with. The person who was there before when you were a couple and with careful nurturing, the person who will be there as you grown into a family and if you become parents perhaps when your days as parents will have dimmed. Your partner for now and ever.

As good as it can feel to sound off to friends perhaps sometimes that is just your contribution to the group and perhaps there is an element of exaggeration or a boasting to the bad behaviour. Does it really need to be said ? Isn't there something else you can bring to the table ? Something well done ? Some thoughtful deed done for you ? If you can't find something good to say perhaps it's time to stop and consider what you have done that it thoughtful or worthy of positive comment for your partner and if you can't think of anything now is the time to figure out what you can do to be more considerate more thoughtful or kinder. This is a door that swings both ways.

Be kind.


  1. You have a great blog! How long have you been blogging?

    And yes, it's never a good idea to speak ill about someone. One never knows when one might have to eat their words. :-)

  2. Hi Jo,
    This one has been about for a little over a year , but I don't invest much energy in it. It was only meant as a bit of a sound -off because I don't want to be " that " old lady who thinks she's got something to say to everyone.

    I've only had 50 visitors over that time.

    The other one is just over 3 years and it contains a few posts I moved from another blog I had called Beyond the Hedge, which was about for the same length of time. Beyond the Hedge was intended to be about things outside of my home and family but then I wanted to record personal observations about aging and so I started Older tho No Wiser. I'd had the idea for at least 3 years by then. I'm kingd of shy about the whole thing and so I don't promote anything I just wait for people to stumble in.